however, that didn't work too.
don't ask me why. (",)
14.10.05
*sigh.* damn this chronic fever. hey, why's it growing colder? oh, look, it's now raining.
i've been in direct eye contact with this computer since eight a.m... i was able to finish this new layout which you see right now. i've just finished that long entry about our last field trip, just about to publish it. and then i'm doing this one...
three days after that field trip, and i'm still too tired. i think i've acquired seven or so cuts from the rocky gutters of island cove. not that it affects me much, but once in a while they do sting a bit... only adding so little to my already unstable condition. and i'm exerting virtually no effort to rest.
i slept 12:30 last night/this morning.
i had chips and coffee for breakfast, soda and polvoron for lunch - a combined 300-or-so grams for half-a-day.
i haven't seen my classmates for three whole days, and i won't for two more due to the weekend. i miss them so much. however, i don't have any intentions of trying to catch up with the class and its grueling lessons, though i've missed seven-or-so quizzes. and i'm part of this formal debate next monday.
i'm starting to feel like some failure. this depression's killing me softly. maybe depression, for me, is the main cause of chronic fever.
what the hell am i trying to do with my life? i've contradicted all those inspiring passages about me in my blog, all just in one short go.
i guess life's simply about fulfilling your purpose in this world, that which God wants you to do.
so Lord, tell me... what am i supposed to do? now?
g_b got tired of senseless ranting by 17:28. |
it was just about now when i noticed that people write things about themselves in the profile section of their online diaries. then i looked at my former blog sites, and, it was like... whoa, am i really that weird?
so maybe it's time for a bit of change, a touch of conventionalism. for once, at least.
well, you see the guy in the picture? yeah, that spectacled boy running in haste? that's supposed to be me, j. gabriel de leon y limpin... what does j stand for, you ask? it's for me to know and for you to find out if you still don't know.
i'm a 16-year old boy who wears a pair of glasses, sports unkempt hair, and usually dons loose clothes. i might look a bit plump in the drawing, but in actuality i'm a tall, dark, skinny, frail guy who always forgets to drink his milk and take his breakfast. up to know i still wonder how come i stand at five-feet-eight-inches but weigh only 102 pounds...
way back then, i was a small, plump kid who showed a lot of promise. during parties, my mom and dad would usually strut around and boast of how intelligent, how healthy, how handsome i was. for eight or so years, that had been the case. i got my share of respect, like this little prince...
then came a heartbreak, and high school.
inexplicably, i suddenly became a complacent and idle guy who fell in love with my personal computer too much, even to the point of forgetting if i already had dinner. i was transformed into a student ridiculously full of potential but never getting to use the stuff. i developed a very healthy sleeping habit that made me garner the honorable distinction of being the student earliest for the nth class.
high school went on, heartbreaks pursued at will, and down to oblivion went that once promising young kid. so much for the pride of my parents.
today, i still look back to him. in fact, i'm trying to revive him, after four years of dormancy, or something more like stagnation. impossible, yes, but it's worth a try. too late, maybe, but i'll prove that it's not.
