however, that didn't work too.
don't ask me why. (",)
24.6.06
last thursday, i took a haircut.
hemingway's icebergs.
g_b got tired of senseless ranting by 05:56. |
21.6.06
sa mata ng madla, ang college student ay dapat naka-uniform para masabing studyante, let alone isang matinong mag-aaral. agreeable ba kayo dyan?
ganito kasi eh. kanina, galing sa PE class, sumakay ako ng jeep papunta sa NIA Village, kung nasan yung bahay namin. syempre, pag nasa jeep, kailangang magbayad. kaya naman pagkaupo ko sa may bandang dulo ng sasakyan...
"manong, bayad ho. isang studyante lang." "may ID ka 'noy?"
aba, laking gulat ko naman. yan kasi yung unang time na may nagtanong saken ng ganyan sa jeepney. okey lang naman sana eh, kaso wala ako sa UP at hindi maiintindihan ni manong na hawak ko yung form5 ko bilang patunay na mag-aaral nga ako, at dahil...
"wala pa ho, hindi pa po nabibigay samin eh." "eh ba't di ka naka-uniform?"
tugsh. siguro kung hindi bente yung binigay ko tinanggap na nya yun kaagad. pero wala akong barya nun, at siguro nanghihinayang sya dun sa Php1.50 na maaaring mapasakanya pag napalabas nyang nagsisinungaling ako. ang kaso nga lang, hindi ako nagsisinungaling. at sinabi ko rin naman yung totoo nung ito sinagot ko sa kanya:
"wala naman pong uniform sa paaralan namin eh." "ha, pwede ba yun?"
oo, alam kong pwede yun, kasi hindi nga ako naka-uniform noh. madali lang sanang sabihin yun, kaso sabat naman itong si manang na nakaupo sa likod ni manong driver, na tumawa pa bago sabihin sa mga pasahero...
"hay nako, mga bata talaga ngayon, nagpapakabarumbado na."
aray naman. matatanggap ko naman sana yun, kasi di maipagkakailang may katotohanan dun... mga dalawang buwan nakalipas nga lang. pero ngayon, hindi. alam ko matinong mag-aaral ako sa ngayon.
at dagdag pa dyan, tumapat pa sa PE day ko ang pangyayaring ito, sobrang pagod talaga ako kasi first day pa lang, at first time kong makagawa ng 23 push-ups sa isang babaan, at first time kong mag-try ng wall climbing kung saan bawal magsalamin kaya hindi ko masyadong nakikita yung inaapakan ko, at first time kong maka-40 sit-ups sa isang minuto... in short, pagod talaga ako sa lahat ng aspetong maisip nyo.
tapos pagbubuntunan ako ng ganun. kaya tingin ko hindi naman nakakagulat nung sinabi ko ito sa kanila, sa isang umaandar na jeepney na punong-puno ng pasahero...
"ah, ganun ba? ngayon naiintindihan ko na kung bakit hindi umuunlad ang bansa natin - dahil mga wala kayong pakialam at masyadong mabilis manghusga! hindi nyo ba alam na sa binabayad nyong buwis sa bayan, isang bahagya nyan ay napupunta sa pagpapaaral ng mga studyanteng tulad ko na hindi kailangang magsuot ng uniporme para maituring na pag-asa ng lupaing tinitirhan at pinamamahayan niyong lahat! at hindi lang yun, dahil lang hindi ako naka-uniporme, dahil hindi pa nabibigay ang ID ko sa akin, at dahil tinawag ko ang sarili ko na "studyante", sasabihin ng manang na ito na barumbado ako?! patawad kung medyo mapambastos na po ako, pero sinabi ko lamang ang totoo!"
pagkatapos nito ay tinignan ko ng mabuti ang bruskong manang, na tila'y gulat na gulat...
"'noy, hindi mo yata nauunawaan ang mga sinasabi mo. magtigil ka na."
natawa naman ako dito sa manang na 'to na masyadong minamaliit ang kabataan ngayon.
"aba, alam na alam ko po kung ano ang mga sinabi ko! at sino naman po kayo para patigilin ako sa pagsabi ng totoo? pinapatigil nyo po ba ako dahil tinamaan ka sa mga sinabi ko? ano po bang gusto niyo, marinig na sabihin kay manong drayber na 'bayad po, isang UP student lang yan'? ano, tingin niyo po nagsisinungaling na naman ako no? heto, tignan nyo po, at pakita niyo na rin kay manong drayber, para maibigay na nya yung dapat na sukli sa akin, para makumbinse ko kayo na hindi ako barumbadong mag-aaral, para maintindihan nyo na wala talagang uniform sa school namin, para malaman nyo na hindi ako nagsisinungaling!... at para na rin magtigil na ako."
linabas ko yung UP form5 ko at pinabigay kay manang, na pinakita naman kay manong driver. nang ibalik ito, nakita ko na may 14 pesos na nakapatong dito.
"salamat po manong."
at tinignan kong muli si manang ng tingin na may halong pang-aasar at pag-intindi, bago ibinulsa ang pera at tumanaw sa labas ng pinto ng jeepney, ng may malaking ngiti at tahimik na bungisngis...
===
naku, ang sama ko talaga. haha. nawa'y unawain nyo ako. (",)
g_b got tired of senseless ranting by 16:16. |
19.6.06
silence kills. and so does indifference.
how funny. i felt way too withdrawn from the world during my ever-so-long hiatus from the blogging world. of course there were the usual online forums. there still is the famous yahoo! messenger. but the feeling remains - a sense of loneliness engulfing my entirety, or at least a big part of me. until now.
and that's when it finally hit me - it's just time to be back here. and even though i'm still fighting against endless bouts of chronic depression, somehow i feel quite happy to be...
*sigh*
maybe this is how college culture shock takes effect. maybe this is my transition period. but what if that period keeps on and on and on? when do i know that the end has neared, let alone come?
*sigh* UP aking mahal... mahal nga ba kita? alam mo kasi... mula nung bata pa ako, isang paaralan lang talaga ang pinangarap ko. yung paaralan na mahal ang kulay asul, at mahal ang tuition? oo, yung kapitbahay mo sa katipunan. partida, kinder pa lang ako nun, sa may CDC pa ako nag-aaral. magmumukhang tinakda na akong mag-aral sa bahay ni Oble. pero ibang lugar ang tinitibok ng puso ko, 'tol. alam mo yun, kahit media yun ang ipinapakita sa akin - kelan ba huling nakapasok sa final four ang UP, ha? tsaka kahit ikaw alam mo na di hamak na mas magaganda mga tao sa cheering squad nila. tama ako diba! lintik, lahat nandun na. pagkatapos sana ng high school dun na ako. at risonable rin kung dun ako nag-aral! may scholarship, may ninang na sponsor nila, may mga kasama, pati iilang mga tao na mas mahal ko pa sayo, State U, nandun. pero... sino yung kumupkop sa akin? ikaw. Unibersidad ng Pilipinas. maraming salamat talaga. ngayon pakiramdam ng mga kaibigan kong atenista inindyan ko sila, kasi akala ko talaga sila yung makakasama ko. ngayon, masisisi mo ba ako at nanghihimutok ako ng ganito sayo?
*sigh*
hay. buti na lang lumipas na rin ang isang buwan, nakasanayan ko na yung mga panloob na sentimyento ko. at hayun, narito na ako sa peyups, ang pugad ng mga malayang aktibista, apat na jeepney routes, at street food. orientation dito, orientation doon. lakad. lakad pa. klase. math17. hay, ang saya talaga. pero depressing pa rin ang itsura ng mga atenista sa paningin ko kapag dumadaan sila sa tambayan ng '06. syemay.
*sigh*
Q&A in math17 *bawat mag-aaral pupunta sa "center stage" at magpapakilala. after then pwedeng magtanong ang buong klase at ang prof sa kanya about anything under the sun. turn na ng isang girl...* boy: brown talaga hair mo? girl: yeah... bakit? boy: uhh... wala lang. astig.. prof: o, inlab ka na nyan?! *taken aback, pero nagblush si boy, tinago sa tawa* *napansin ni girl, at natripang mag-blush rin* boy: sir naman! girl: sir, Q&A lang naman to eh! prof: eh ba't parang since first day magkatabi na kayo? *tahimik, tapos tawa pareho si boy at girl* boy: nagkataon lang... isyu ka sir ah! *pulang pula na sa katatawa si girl... at si boy* prof: okey, okey. o [girl], may tanong ako sayo. philosophical question. girl: ano po yun? prof: kung maiin-love ka, bakit kay [boy]? *namula lalo si girl, natahimik* girl: love team ba to? *tawa* ewan ko! prof: hay nako. kayo talaga, deny pa. next....
*sigh*
mag-aaral na lang ako ng mabuti... haha, kaya ko yun, akala nyo hindi?!
*sigh*
grabe talaga. ang bagal ng computer ko. alam nyo ba napasukan ng worm ang main server ng Yahoo!?? 200 million users affected, and counting, dahil malamang may email correspondents yang mga yan. sana hindi kayo naapektuhan. wa-epek ang AVG antivirus, at mas lalo na ang norton. wahay.
*sigh* ang tanda ko na. ilang araw na lang at... syemay. disisyete na ako. sa linggwaheng aleman: Wo alt Ich bin? Ich bin siebenzehn Jahre alt! [How old am I? I'm seventeen years old!] yeah. so... wishlist ko, updated pero walang nadagdag. batiin nyo ako ah!
yearlong yogurt supply... i'm starting to crave for breakfast.asa pa. additional weight... see above; that's the main problem... *i want more. alarm clock... abolish the latecomer moniker! go for early bird! culture shock did the trick. parker pen refill... so i can use my own parker pen. new password... tired of her 9-letter irc chatnick. when something has been part of your circulation for a long, long time, why bother? new blog layout... way too sad and feministic for an optimist... i guess i got what i wanted. handfan... desired since first day at qcshs' covered court. *check. cold, hard cash... 50 dollars minimum, ok? kidding... *nasan na? sets of clothes... everyone's sick of me wearing oversized polos. i still love oversized polos. journal subscriptions... time, newsweek, and reader's digest, for that matter. literature... see lewis, brown, snoopy, calvin and hobbes, garfield, etc. authentic nike baller... though anklets and braclets would work out fine... head visor... a blue one, perhaps? if not, garter headbands would do... running shoes... rubber, of course; rather have flats than bulky stuff. *i got soled ones. tsk. sandals... slippers are acceptable, but something usable 'till college is nice motor scooter... i love small (and cheap?) modes of transport. student driver's license... am i too young to drive? ipod... a poor man's alternative? discman, and cd collection... digicam... twenty-or-so pictures, four years. nuff' said. basketball equipment... half-court, official size and height, spalding balls, fiber glass. cellphone... need one for my smart sim, now neglected. *and now for my globe sim too. two new computers... 2.8 Ghz, 200 GB, 384 kbps, freecell programs for adults. swiss army knife... 10-20 valuable functions, respectable durability. *i got two. silver-framed glasses... with new scratch-free and high grade lenses! acoustic guitar... baby bro' dropped the old one on the floor. own room... need suitable place for all my trash... legitimate girlfriend... a big joke, but still part of the wishlist...ah... walang panahon eh. world peace... on the long run, this might happen... just might.
*sigh*
baka nga pala maitanong nyo, anong nangyari dun sa priorities ko nung bakasyon? eto.
get some sleep. priority: high yeah, before i face a tonne of college stuff looming so fast... status quo: near failure. failure.
secure college future. priority: high we have a no-brainer here. status quo: achieving success. success!
plump up. priority: moderately high don't wanna enter college standing at 5'8" yet weighing 100 pounds... status quo: achieving success. quite successful.
work for pay. priority: moderate research drained out all my savings. status quo: achieving success. failure.
keep in touch. priority: moderate thank God for y!m and unlimited texting. status quo: success.
learn italian. priority: moderately low something that i really have to do - but not immediately. status quo: dormant.
read, read, read. priority: low that's right, from alchemist to zorro and everything in between. status quo: undetermined.
*sigh*
para sa mga tatanda na sa june, happy birthday kina: (belated) krizia, beaujez, isadelle, kim, ronald (advanced) angelo, anna cee!!!!
*sigh*
ang ganda naman ng post na ito. sobrang randomized. wahaha.
*sigh*
jaimee faith, salamat. ikaw at ang blog mo na super updated ang nag-encourage saken na gawin to. at pati na rin sa mga umaasa sa blog na ito, sa mga patuloy na nagta-tag. kilala nyo na kung sino kayo, kaya salamat talaga! (",)
*sigh*
salamat sa pakikiramay. pasensya na kung pinagkasya ko dito lahat! aayusin ko na talaga buhay ko, so baka last post ko na ito? or next to the last, or next to the next to the last... whatever. basta. gayahin nyo ako, nagpapakasaya kahit nag-aaral ng mabuti!
g_b got tired of senseless ranting by 22:43. |
it was just about now when i noticed that people write things about themselves in the profile section of their online diaries. then i looked at my former blog sites, and, it was like... whoa, am i really that weird?
so maybe it's time for a bit of change, a touch of conventionalism. for once, at least.
well, you see the guy in the picture? yeah, that spectacled boy running in haste? that's supposed to be me, j. gabriel de leon y limpin... what does j stand for, you ask? it's for me to know and for you to find out if you still don't know.
i'm a 16-year old boy who wears a pair of glasses, sports unkempt hair, and usually dons loose clothes. i might look a bit plump in the drawing, but in actuality i'm a tall, dark, skinny, frail guy who always forgets to drink his milk and take his breakfast. up to know i still wonder how come i stand at five-feet-eight-inches but weigh only 102 pounds...
way back then, i was a small, plump kid who showed a lot of promise. during parties, my mom and dad would usually strut around and boast of how intelligent, how healthy, how handsome i was. for eight or so years, that had been the case. i got my share of respect, like this little prince...
then came a heartbreak, and high school.
inexplicably, i suddenly became a complacent and idle guy who fell in love with my personal computer too much, even to the point of forgetting if i already had dinner. i was transformed into a student ridiculously full of potential but never getting to use the stuff. i developed a very healthy sleeping habit that made me garner the honorable distinction of being the student earliest for the nth class.
high school went on, heartbreaks pursued at will, and down to oblivion went that once promising young kid. so much for the pride of my parents.
today, i still look back to him. in fact, i'm trying to revive him, after four years of dormancy, or something more like stagnation. impossible, yes, but it's worth a try. too late, maybe, but i'll prove that it's not.