however, that didn't work too.
don't ask me why. (",)
17.12.05
[editor's note: this came in way too late... apologies...]
december 9, friday morning. a big pack of fourth years at the covered court started trooping toward the school gates and to their respective buses - half of them wearing their jackets.
maybe it was all excitement, because the tagaytay weather accounted for a 19-degree celsius mark. but basically we were heading to the divine word seminary in tagaytay city via a two-hour trip... for our overnight retreat. and as usual, the road trip span was the best of times... i sat beside the isle once more, thus my food supplies were heavily depleted after an hour.
upon arriving there, we were went straight to the aula magna (with our jackets on), somewhat similar to our very own conference hall, except that it had no bust of the founding father of the institution, arnold janssen (a german), and that it was bigger.
then a guy introduced the organization and the place to the 190 students in the hall, gave a bit of history stuff and lecture, and then went to the more important details (read: schedules and room assignments).
because there were three different places to stay at, the whole batch had to be divided into three... which is where the zone president takes over and [unfairly] assigns the dormitory places, putting 50 boys at the svd postulancy... no hard feelings, my friend, it only seemed like that, but your decisions were not bad, really, you were just doing your job.
so we were transferred to the svd postulancy, a place where parents go for counseling about their families. only three were allowed per room... by the way, as of those moments, a brownout had just ensued. we were led to dorm c, a place with thirteen rooms and one bathroom, enough to accomodate thirty-nine persons. not far from it is a mini-grotto and a gazebo with a punching bag at one of its sides. room no. 7 was just small, containing no lock, one fan, one lightbulb, two closets, two beds merged into one, three pillows and blankets, four hangers, one table and chair, and a piece of tape stuck to the wall saying, "ang pogi ko diba?". me, gerald, and noel picked it because it was just facing domeng, adam, and owen's room 10.
before exploring the outside of the dorm, i took a stroll at the corridors of dorm c, and noticed that yes, there were thirteen bedrooms, but where's room 13? room 14 was at the far end; opposite it was room 12. thus it led us to the conclusion that seminarists believe in numerology.
a bell rang, so we headed to the postulancy dining hall. after a brief prayer and orientation, we helped ourselves to fried chicken and pasta and a cloud 9 bar while wondering whether our classmates were eating the same stuff. but mind you, food at the seminary is good. real good...
by 1:30 we've climbed back up to the main seminary, as we were about to have our first session, to the tune of "making melodies in my heart". then the woman speaker at front introduced us to a prayer dance, known as the "blossom dance", named for its depiction of a flower's life. after that was a session break... and that was just the introductory phase. we walked back downhill to the postulancy, where we had pansit and skyflakes and coffee.
before the trip we were reminded not to bring playing cards, and told that cellphones and food would be kept and stored in a special room until the end of the retreat. the first rule was violated, and the last two weren't implemented in anyway. in room 10 we silently played pusoy dos and ate hi-ro biscuits, before being called again to return to the seminary by 4:30.
we made our way into the aula magna once more, only to find out that the staff was fixing sound system problems, causing a lengthly two-hour delay. there were also swarms of mosquitoes in the area. we were sent to another room, where the session finally started, just in time with the 6 pm angelus, signaled by 15 or so ding-dongs...
the priest, fr. yap (the only one i saw in the customary uniform) did a bit of explaining on the purpose of the event, and then touched on a few topics about shaky student personalities and the like. some broke down into tears after his speech, some were quietly unnerved.
but some probably were thinking about dinner, because it was 7 in the evening, and it was dark on the road back to the postulancy. the trip was rewarding, however, as hot chicken soup awaited us on the tables... all followed by *gasp* another trip uphill to the session hall.
fr. yap was there when we returned. he started talking about relationships, focusing on "the five most important persons in our lives," and this quote: "hindi ang problema ang problema, ang problema ay ang nagdadala." then he made us go through one last activity...
"this requires a bit of maturity..." he stated. "if you don't want to proceed with this activity we can go on with the eucharistic mass..." but everyone wanted to continue...
first, he instructed us to relax... from the feet, to the legs, to the upper body... "and prepare to enter the world of imaginations.... imagine that, kakatapos lang ng retreat... masayang-masaya kayong lahat, at pauwi na kayo... hanggang sa pagdating niyo sa sm..." my body was starting to tingle due to the numbness by then... "pagdating niyo sa sm, naglalakad na kayo pauwi... nakasalubong mo yung tito mo..." the numb feeling now seemed to possess electric sparks... like i was expecting something... "sabi sayo ng tito mo, si no. 5, patay na..."
beside me i heard some sort of groan... the priest continued torturing each and every person's mind... i imagined that a nearby candy shop saleslady told me no. 4 was dead, a friend informed me about no. 3's fate, my brother said no. 2 died, and upon arriving home, saw the coffin of no. 1... by these times someone was somewhat travailing, someone was banging real hard on her seat, and almost everyone was crying...
except for me, the one beside me, and a few more persons... you might say it's because i was not touched by the speech, or i was a very numb, rational and emotionless person, yada-yada... but i didn't find a reason to cry, but five reasons not to cry, during the imagination span:
1. he presented a very hypothetical case... God loves us all, and i believe he won't allow such disaster to happen... 2. i'm not supposed to cry until i finish high school... 3. i started to think that he was somewhat instilling fear in the students' minds to realize that they love those 5 persons... 4. he himself stated that "it requires a bit of maturity", and i did summon just that... 5. finally, i thought that, "it will happen when it happens, and that's the time i'll start crying..."
behind all that reasoning, i comforted my friends when the priest told us so... while some of the teachers were giving out letters from the students' parents... anyway, i didn't get one, which doesn't really make a difference, because i perfectly know what my parents want to tell me... (",)
and that was the night. after the catholic mass (i and some of my friends stayed outside) we went back to the postulancy... that was about 11:30, and i remember saying earlier that there were no lights down the road... however we got through safely.
then was the time for our midnight shower... hindered by this cute little pup which chewed on my khakis, leaving a small patched hole there, the ever-present reminder of the previous events...
at the shower room, about 5 people were shouting about... "syet ang lamig ng tubig! ba't di gumagana yung heater? tol pahiram naman ng sabon at shampoo!" and all that. i tried the water... and gosh, it was that cold, colder than the tagaytay air... after getting accustomed to the cold, i stayed about seven more minutes in the shower before getting out...
then i went back to the room, where i found my friends and roommates eating tortillos and playing pusoy dos - again. after a few rounds, when the silent ennui started operating, we took a stroll outside the gates of the postulancy grounds, and returned shortly afterwards (conscience-wise or fear? dunno), finally settling in the punching bag-equipped gazebo... that was me, gerald, adam, and domeng. [owen and noel slept early...]
hmmm... as i started kicking the bag, the others started talking about... er, things, what else? some would call it a boys' talk, but it was probably something... deeper, i suppose. the discussion continued even after ma'am awitan instructed us to return to our rooms... it was that lengthly, yet a bit intellectual and greatly confidential. we finally hit the sack by three-thirty.
g_b got tired of senseless ranting by 07:55. |
it was just about now when i noticed that people write things about themselves in the profile section of their online diaries. then i looked at my former blog sites, and, it was like... whoa, am i really that weird?
so maybe it's time for a bit of change, a touch of conventionalism. for once, at least.
well, you see the guy in the picture? yeah, that spectacled boy running in haste? that's supposed to be me, j. gabriel de leon y limpin... what does j stand for, you ask? it's for me to know and for you to find out if you still don't know.
i'm a 16-year old boy who wears a pair of glasses, sports unkempt hair, and usually dons loose clothes. i might look a bit plump in the drawing, but in actuality i'm a tall, dark, skinny, frail guy who always forgets to drink his milk and take his breakfast. up to know i still wonder how come i stand at five-feet-eight-inches but weigh only 102 pounds...
way back then, i was a small, plump kid who showed a lot of promise. during parties, my mom and dad would usually strut around and boast of how intelligent, how healthy, how handsome i was. for eight or so years, that had been the case. i got my share of respect, like this little prince...
then came a heartbreak, and high school.
inexplicably, i suddenly became a complacent and idle guy who fell in love with my personal computer too much, even to the point of forgetting if i already had dinner. i was transformed into a student ridiculously full of potential but never getting to use the stuff. i developed a very healthy sleeping habit that made me garner the honorable distinction of being the student earliest for the nth class.
high school went on, heartbreaks pursued at will, and down to oblivion went that once promising young kid. so much for the pride of my parents.
today, i still look back to him. in fact, i'm trying to revive him, after four years of dormancy, or something more like stagnation. impossible, yes, but it's worth a try. too late, maybe, but i'll prove that it's not.