however, that didn't work too.
don't ask me why. (",)
31.1.06
in a rare day marked by zero quizzes, project deadlines, CAT training sessions, and the sort, i found myself in a familiar place in front of the desktop, typing the words....
"oi, magkwento ka naman!"
nako, kakasawa na kaya. lagi na lang ganyan eh... kaya ayoko. baket? tatlong dahilan: 1) magkwento ka rin kaya? 2) maniniwala ka ba sa akin? 3)... saka na...
ako, ako. lagi na lang ako. ang galing mo talaga eh. kung makipagusap ka eh parang ako itong di namamansin, itong may sala, itong masama, itong walang pakialam. kaso, di mo ba naisip na... di mo naman ako masisisi?
ahh.. naintindihan mo na siguro yun diba? tama ba ako, tingin mo? ha? sorry kung ganun... nasaktan lang ako eh!
tapos, kunwari, sasabihin ko sayo yung buong katotohanan. ilang beses ko na ring ginawa yun. kaso, ayaw mong maniwala! aba, ngayon naman, sinungaling pa ako. eh ako nga itong di kayang magsinungaling sayo, at dapat alam mo na kung bakit.
alam ko, di rin kita masisisi... sadyang naiinis lang ako dahil walang pwedeng sisihin kundi ako, ako, lagi na lang ako!
hay. eto na nga pala yung huling dahilan. sana may koneksyon pa rin ito sa mga pinagsususulat ko kanina...
naniniwala ka bang dapat respetuhin ang bawat nilalang sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay?
kasi, naniniwala ako na mas mabuti nang manahimik ang isang taong tulad ko at tulad mo kaysa sa mag-ingay nang lubusan para lamang makasakit ng iba...
tulad mo na lang. hindi ko pa rin alam kung nabubuhay ba ako sa mundo mo. hindi ko alam kung bakit ang lakas ng loob mong magsalita tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay na alam mo namang makakasakit ng tao. hindi ko alam kung nangiinis o nangiirita ka lang. hindi ko na alam kung sino ako sayo.
oo, naniniwala akong hindi masama na ipagpaunlakan mo sa buong daigdig na maganda ka, pero parang awa naman, wag sa harap ko. dalawang buwan na lang ako sa impyernong paaralan na ito, pagaanin mo naman sana ang mga dalahin ko.
o mas mabuti pa, magkalimutan na lang talaga tayo. bawas sa sakit ng ulo rin yun... siguro masarap namang magmahal sa isang taong di mo kilala... tingin mo?
intindihin mo po sana na hindi ako galit, dahil hindi ako marunong magalit. siguro nagsawa na siguro ako sa mga mapanlinlang mong mga salita, o hindi ko lang alam ang mga sinusulat ko dahil sinapian ako ni beelzebub, at sana nama'y hindi nga gayon.
ayan, sinabi ko na yung totoo, nagkwento na ako... maniwala ka kaya? o ihahalintulad mo lamang ito sa mga lecheng isyu na napupulot sa tabi-tabi? nasa sayo na yan.
siya nga pala, hindi mo na ako kailangang kausapin ukol dito. ako na lang bahala. mapatawad mo sana ako sa mga nakalagay dito.
and so i end the first month of the new year, january.
kung hei fat choi!
p.s. a very happy birthday to anna karmina g. caballes [feb1]. (",)
g_b got tired of senseless ranting by 20:41. |
it was just about now when i noticed that people write things about themselves in the profile section of their online diaries. then i looked at my former blog sites, and, it was like... whoa, am i really that weird?
so maybe it's time for a bit of change, a touch of conventionalism. for once, at least.
well, you see the guy in the picture? yeah, that spectacled boy running in haste? that's supposed to be me, j. gabriel de leon y limpin... what does j stand for, you ask? it's for me to know and for you to find out if you still don't know.
i'm a 16-year old boy who wears a pair of glasses, sports unkempt hair, and usually dons loose clothes. i might look a bit plump in the drawing, but in actuality i'm a tall, dark, skinny, frail guy who always forgets to drink his milk and take his breakfast. up to know i still wonder how come i stand at five-feet-eight-inches but weigh only 102 pounds...
way back then, i was a small, plump kid who showed a lot of promise. during parties, my mom and dad would usually strut around and boast of how intelligent, how healthy, how handsome i was. for eight or so years, that had been the case. i got my share of respect, like this little prince...
then came a heartbreak, and high school.
inexplicably, i suddenly became a complacent and idle guy who fell in love with my personal computer too much, even to the point of forgetting if i already had dinner. i was transformed into a student ridiculously full of potential but never getting to use the stuff. i developed a very healthy sleeping habit that made me garner the honorable distinction of being the student earliest for the nth class.
high school went on, heartbreaks pursued at will, and down to oblivion went that once promising young kid. so much for the pride of my parents.
today, i still look back to him. in fact, i'm trying to revive him, after four years of dormancy, or something more like stagnation. impossible, yes, but it's worth a try. too late, maybe, but i'll prove that it's not.
