however, that didn't work too.
don't ask me why. (",)
21.2.06
i wish i could cheerfully await the coming of spring... but, oh, that's impossible. the month of february proves just that.
why? because everything seems to be a matter of randomized realizations flurrying around in my overworked psyche... like these... hey, look, it's the month of february! happy valent- oh, i'm rushing... happy birthday to you, snoopy! for your 16th birthday, i give you... the cold shoulder! ain't it lovely? but... do you even know me? by the way, you ought not feel special - you're not the first recipient of such, believe me. so might as well forget me and the silver accessory and the piggy hotdog pillow and august twenty-three and forevermore....... huh? prom? that's ages away! why the fuss? date? oh, no, no date! better if no dance too! i'd rather be with my friends... friends? who are my friends? oh yeah, the usual - those who pound me with knuckles and jackhammers during break time, they who love to make assumptions without any strong bases, and they who give away cold shoulders! who are you to dictate my influx of emotions and thoughts? bah.... as senseless as st. valentine's death anniversary! who is he and why do we commemorate his death when his presence is nowhere to be found? why do guys give flowers on this day? why not on january twelve? man, this world is nuts?... which reminds me... i spent sixty-five pesos for low-quality roses, only to give them to a girl who administers the cold shoulder on me and only cares about the gift and not the giver! isn't one year of absolute pain, idiosyncratic melancholy and martyr-like stupidity enough? why did i let such go down the drain when the freak drowned me with sweet meaningless words? and then i think... and think... and assume... no, that's not right... oh man, she's banging my head over and over to my threshold point of internal hemorrhage! why can't she tell me that i'm a good-for-nothing bloke and that i would be simply of no use to her? vanity, oh yes, all is meaningless, all is nothing, nothing but vanity!!!! next thing i know, i find myself on asteroid b612, watering a rose that i picked up from the rosebushes. it was then i looked at my palm, and exclaimed... how could if forget that roses had thorns? look, i have a scar to nurse, produced by the rose that had the sharpest thorns... but how could i love such a rose? how?!?! then i realize that something painful is bound to happen to me whenever i do something right. why so? because pain is a wonderful gift of God... that's why... maybe i should keep that in mind whenever i plan to do things in the near future... oh... my future! just now that i remembered... hey, i'm a senior! i've got approximately one month left before being upgraded to alumni status... so where does my future lie, after quesci? everyone's freaking about, searching for evasive signs of the first week of february upcat results! and that's including me. for a fact, i have a correspondent at the palma hall annex who calls me on a regular basis... but i'd still call her, upcat or no upcat, no matter... haha! but seriously, i dream of being in the european lowlands, sitting in front of the basilica, admiring the way the doves chase the red sunset, holding hands with the damsel i'll love for the rest of my days... oops! you caught me daydreaming... ahh.. where was i? oh yes, the near future, when there will be dancing, weeping, gnashing of teeth, and last-minute cramming for a bunch of tests... wait... dancing, did i say? well, you ought to know about our j.s. prom, right? so do tell me - what is safer to miss, prom or gradball? i told you, february felt so boring, i'm not even looking forward to our promenade... i haven't even listed myself as one of the attendees... that will be a last minute decision, i suppose... date, you ask? no way. no date! or better, i'm dating all my friends, in a sense... last dance? who cares? let things happen the way they are supposed to come to pass, and learn to keep our noses away! that's the ultimate secret to happiness, because happiness is merely a state of mind! and so is boredom...
conclusion: february might be that boring because we know that march is at hand, and we know what march '06 means to seniors like me. ciao! (",)
p.s. happy birthday to ma. abigail moreno (16), pebbles sanchez (17), jay barcelona (21) and ronnie miguel besas (22)!!!
g_b got tired of senseless ranting by 22:30. |
it was just about now when i noticed that people write things about themselves in the profile section of their online diaries. then i looked at my former blog sites, and, it was like... whoa, am i really that weird?
so maybe it's time for a bit of change, a touch of conventionalism. for once, at least.
well, you see the guy in the picture? yeah, that spectacled boy running in haste? that's supposed to be me, j. gabriel de leon y limpin... what does j stand for, you ask? it's for me to know and for you to find out if you still don't know.
i'm a 16-year old boy who wears a pair of glasses, sports unkempt hair, and usually dons loose clothes. i might look a bit plump in the drawing, but in actuality i'm a tall, dark, skinny, frail guy who always forgets to drink his milk and take his breakfast. up to know i still wonder how come i stand at five-feet-eight-inches but weigh only 102 pounds...
way back then, i was a small, plump kid who showed a lot of promise. during parties, my mom and dad would usually strut around and boast of how intelligent, how healthy, how handsome i was. for eight or so years, that had been the case. i got my share of respect, like this little prince...
then came a heartbreak, and high school.
inexplicably, i suddenly became a complacent and idle guy who fell in love with my personal computer too much, even to the point of forgetting if i already had dinner. i was transformed into a student ridiculously full of potential but never getting to use the stuff. i developed a very healthy sleeping habit that made me garner the honorable distinction of being the student earliest for the nth class.
high school went on, heartbreaks pursued at will, and down to oblivion went that once promising young kid. so much for the pride of my parents.
today, i still look back to him. in fact, i'm trying to revive him, after four years of dormancy, or something more like stagnation. impossible, yes, but it's worth a try. too late, maybe, but i'll prove that it's not.
